“That’s nothing! You should see the New Year’s celebration back in Birmingham.” Landon’s feet hung off the pier and into the water. He kept his knee high socks on, the ones with the two red rings around the top. He once told his mother they gave him luck when he hit the ball off the tee, funny thing, he never made it to first base, not in sports or life in general. At thirty-two years old, he made friends on the internet and visited them when invited.

“Sooooo, Landon, what will you do now that your chaussettes are soaking with gruesome river water?” Leo, his latest friend and by far, most entertaining, chuckled at the man’s silliness.

“What is a shaw-set?” Landon’s smile diminished. “Are you making fun of me, ole chap?” He didn’t understand Leo’s lesson in French. Landon tossed the blue raspberry slushy he was sipping on directly into Leo’s face.

“Why did you do that? Socks! I was saying socks in French!” Leo wiped his face with the handkerchief he kept tucked away in his pocket. Before he could get both eyes clean and back open, Landon had his hands wrapped around his neck. The loud firework’s covered up Leo’s frantic, yet muffled screams for help. It wasn’t long before Leo’s lifeless body splashed helplessly into the water.

Back at Leo’s apartment, Landon made a few wire transfers from his latest victim’s account and booked his flight back home. “Time to make a new fwend.” Each kill took his already child-like state back a few years. His mother couldn’t figure out what attracted the worldwide web to her son. Locked in a basement back in Bama, there was nothing she could do about it – her hands were tied.

It was the last day of school before Christmas break. The children had just finished celebrating with their classmates, eating candy and decorating ornaments. A great time was had by all.

The first-graders were allowed fifteen minutes of free time to alleviate some of their sugar-fueled energy.

The door to the playground flung open, out walked Ms. Bigsby – her hair was long and black, tinted with coarse gray. Her nose stretched to the limit like Pinocchio’s after a lie, a storybook wart sat right on the tip. It gave all the kids the willies. “Recess is over!” She yelled at the top of her lungs. Her wiggling tonsils were visible from across the yard.

Sally and Barney sat close together on a wooden bench by the swings. Their little legs swayed back and forth not long enough to reach the ground. “We’d better go,” Barney put his candy cane down next to Sally’s, connecting the two to form a heart. “I hope Santa is good to you, Sally,” he jumped to the ground, twisting his ankle on impact. Tears formed in his eyes. “I can’t move.”

“I’ll get Ms. Bigsby,” Sally grabbed the red ball covered with jewels. She’d made it especially for Barney. She leaned down, gave it to him, then kissed his forehead. “Merry Christmas, Barney.”

“Ms. Bigsby, Barney’s hurt!” she ran towards the teacher.

“Go to class!” I’ll take the rodent to the office so he can call his mother.

Later that evening, Ms. Bigsby cackled as she stirred her giant pot of bubbling roux. Barney held tight to the black metal bars that held him prisoner in Ms. Bigsby’s secluded cabin. “I want my mommy,” he cried.

“There’s no place like home for the holiday’s.” Ms. Bigsby sang along with a small FM radio she kept on the mantle next to her spices.

Eight long and weary months away, my mind had weakened along with my body. The treacherous journey over the backside of Giovanni’s ridge was a brutal one. The wind was heavy, carrying with it the stench of burned enemy towns. I left my Princess to defend her, to defend our home, our land, to secure a future for our offspring, the first of which nourished within her belly.

The thump from each beat of my heart sent me bravely on, sweat poured from my brow as the roof of the castle came into view. I fell to my knees, belting out a horrific scream of doom, clawing at my forehead unable to bridle my brain. Maybe she survived what appeared to be a brutal attack upon my Father’s legacy, a fortress of strength and power left without protection.

The entrance was dark, mounds of fallen wall formed around me. I breathed in – heavily. My wife, my baby, those who cared for her, gone, murdered by savage beasts with a desire to take that which did not belong to them.

I dropped my belongings and ran. I ran with everything left in me. My sandals fell apart, leaving my bare feet to meet the rock covered path. I felt nothing but determination.

A barely audible cry called out from the rubble. My aching hands grabbed and tossed stone after stone from the pile. There in the midst of the decay, she released my tiny soldier from her grip and called my name for the last time.

Every Sunday, we met at the little brick church, the one over on Warf Street and Columbus Ave. where the water met the sky. The preacher’s sermons were quick. Once, he merely said, “Jesus wept,” dropped the mic and immediately passed the collection plate. That was the congregation’s biggest offering to date.

Me and Tilly, sat in the back pew, belting out Amazing Grace until Tilly got a text from her older brother. “We gotta go,” she leaned over and whispered. I didn’t ask any questions. I got up and followed her out.

“If my momma…”

“Hush,” Tilly stopped me mid-sentence. “Listen,” she said. The waves let off a violent crashing sound, almost ear-piercing, but not nearly as loud as the wailing coming from the passengers of the old ship that rocked up and down as it neared the shore.

“What is that? Who are those people?” I asked.

“Mid-century bloodsuckers. My brother sent me this text,” she held her phone close to my face.

“How would he know?” I never trusted Tristan, I couldn’t believe his nonsense now.

“Him and Tommy Clox were over on the other side of town, fishing for crappy off the pier. The boat floated by, one of those creatures jumped off, swam towards them at warp speed. No time to react, Tommy was ripped to shreds.”

“Whatever,” I kicked a few rocks, spun around, and headed back into the church.

“Where you girls running off to?” Pastor Phillpe’s head fell frontwards, unrealistically still, his fangs shot out, he bounced back with force, reaching for the two of us.

We ran with the strength of a million horses.

It was impossible to match his speed.

The End…..

He peeped his little head around the perfectly rectangular shrubs. The maze had been created on the grounds of the family estate back in the early nineteenth century. Every child that visited the home spent hours lost in its amazement.

His grandfather hobbled towards him, leaning heavily on his four legged cane. “Come here, boy! Don’t you run from your old Pa,” he grinned at the child’s cuteness, revealing his lack of a front tooth that had been filled in by a piece of white chiclet gum. He couldn’t have imagined becoming a grandfather for the first time at the old age of seventy-nine but his daughter insisted.

“See if you can find me,” the youngster, giddy with excitement tripped over his own shoelaces before disappearing from the old man’s sight.

“Theodore,” he called for the child. “Theodore,” he stopped to cough. “Theodore.”

The bushes began to rattle, leaves fell to the ground and a low growl crept from inside the shrubbery.

The old man slowly pulled apart the tiny branches, and leaned in for a look. “Theodore,” he said once more.

“Pa!” Theo jumped from his hiding spot and onto his grandfather knocking him violently down. His head hit the ground, split open and an ocean of red travelled down the secluded path. Theodore clapped with excitement as he latched onto his grandfather’s neck and sucked the remaining life from his veins.

The old man drifted out of consciousness, his last thought, “Oh, to be young again.”

🧡

“I see a White House and I want to paint it orange.” said more than half, now look at the path.

Vegetation surrounding; healthy and flourishing, while children and babies lack essential nourishing.

A home wrecker since way back when. His own home demolished from lustful sin. “Take that man, shave his head, and shackle his feet. He must be a criminal, looks nothing like me.”

“Sir, he has children, I think maybe three.”

*Fake coughs.* “What’s that got to do with Big Dad-E?”

“Their future is already ruined, very dark and grim. Excuse me while I get, I mean, paint some trim.”

Boots on the ground, all internal enemies on deck. “Do as I say or there’ll be no paycheck.”

“This is the home of the brave and the free. You can join this country for a hefty fee.” *Smiles real big and waves to the crowd * “These guys love me, listen to their cheers, never been anything so loud.”

“Money can’t buy love but take notice of what I have. Swift understands, look, that girl got Trav.”

“It’s all a conspiracy, I’m nothing like what I say.” “Oh, you believed me? I was having a bad day.”

*Smacks own hand.* “Play nice with others, you’re being mean.”

*Clears throat.* *Voice squeaks as he sings.*

“Wait… what’s the next line… Let freedom ring!”

“2028.” *Fist bumps the air* “I’ll be your king!”

Lightning strikes, JESUS appears, shakes his head, is moved to tears.

“I am your king. What steered you wrong? Family issues, no love at home?”

Falls to his knees, looks up to the Lord. “I can’t find it anywhere, do you see my comb?”

The original Facebook post offered new Halloween themes for family portraits. Ruth was offering fifty percent off for first time buyers. It was no secret Halloween was my favorite holiday and Ben and I hadn’t had a picture taken with the new kids.. Well, since….. never.

He toted them to the car one by one and I followed behind, buckled each one in and then scooted to the middle of the station wagon’s front seat so I could be as close to Ben as possible and still see the kids in the rearview.

“Babe, they’re not glowing,” he could barely hear me over the blinker.

“Not yet,” he smiled, his hands slid over the steering wheel as we made the last turn.

Ruth stood waiting in the dark, her equipment set up and ready for the shoot. She encouraged a pose, handed me a rabbit skull, and placed two of my kids on each side of me; Jack-A, Jack-B, Jack-C and Jack-O.

“Beautiful children,” her voice quivered.

Ben stood proudly behind her as she snapped our pictures. He rubbed his chin for a moment then pointed a finger towards the sky. “I have an idea.”

“Ruth, give us a moment to work with the kids. They’re not smiling as they should. My wife will not be pleased unless they’re happy.” Ben said.

He took a knife and gave them eyes, a nose, and a big beautiful smile that lit up with fire. “Now, there.”

Ruth’s body shook with nervousness as the shoot came to an end. “Mr. and Mrs. Lantern, there’ll be no charge, on the house. I’ll send you the pictures as soon as they’re developed,” she gathered her equipment and ran to her car.

“I married you for this good cooking!”Rufus spun the remainder of his biscuit around the metal plate, sopping up the last bit of bean juice. “Come over here and sit on Poppa’s lap.” he backed the chair away from the table, kicking up a little dust from the dirt floor. Meredith wiped her hands on her apron. She hadn’t a choice but to oblige. She sat down. His hand went immediately to her swollen belly.

“She’s kicking,” Meredith said, she then put her hand atop his as a security measure.

“You’re just so sure it’s a girl, why’s that?” He asked.

“I have dreams about her,” the woman replied. “That’s how I know.”

Rufus pushed her off him. He scooted his raggedy boots across the floor, and stumbled towards the bed in the corner of the one room shack. “You don’t say,” he ran his tongue across his front teeth, sucking what was left of his dinner back into his mouth before spitting it towards his wife.

“I guess that’s why you have this thing!” He violently ripped the woven hoop decorated in beads and feathers from the wall.

“Don’t! She stretched her arm out towards her cherished gift.

“I guess you thought I didn’t know!” He reached for his pistol.

The door to cabin flung open. Rufus’s eyes followed a speeding tomahawk – missing his face by millimeters before it embedded in the wall. He didn’t see the next one coming. It landed right between his eyes. He fell lifeless to the floor.

His muscular, tanned arms lifted her off the ground. He carried her away from the domestic hell she had been sentenced to. It wasn’t as they’d planned but they knew it was fate.

He took one last drag from his cigarette, tossed it to the ground, and snuffed it out with his white tennis shoe.

“Sir!” he’d never forget the sound of her voice or the clicking noise her heels made whenever she walked. “No smoking allowed on the premises.” she hurried to him, pretended to kiss his cheeks, stepped back and looked him up and down. “Darling, you haven’t changed a bit.” she brought her hand to her mouth and softly snickered.

Neither had she, but he knew better than to acknowledge such. She still stood out in a crowd with her red dress, ruby lips, and patent leather purse to match. Twenty years, a prenup, and a divorce later, what he once found attractive was now tacky. Her royalty had always disgusted him, however, he did find pleasure in knowing that if she were to remarry, half of her fortune would become his. Old money and her endless desire to remodel and open her family fortress to the public was a brilliant idea.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Leo sighed.

“Walk with me.” she hurried ahead as he tried to keep up.

“What is it, Elisia? I have to get back to work.” he knew he’d made a mistake by agreeing to meet her. He stopped amidst the crowd waiting to purchase tickets for the grand opening of Castle Fantaisie.

“Duck!” a voice called out from the balcony, a loud pop echoed. A bullet swayed gracefully through the air, taking with it bits of Leo’s skull.

Months went by…….

“Do you, Yoshi take Elisia to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

Note to self: When you get a new home, do not eat the other fish in the aquarium.

Yep, that’s me…. You may be wondering how I ended up on this small rock island in the middle of Grandaddy Joe’s pond.

It all started about three years ago, I was a tiny little something, splashing around in a parking-lot puddle. My owner found me, picked me up, and I went home with him in a coffee cup. It wasn’t long until I was living the good life! I even got myself a granny! There’s something you should know about granny’s, they love you a bunch and feed you even when you’re not hungry. When I’d see her coming towards my tank, I’d swim back and forth real fast, just a little something to let her know that I loved her.

About this time last year, my granny went to be with JESUS and I haven’t been the same. I searched for happiness but nothing worked. I rearranged my tank, knocked over all my decor, flipped a few logs, and finally I scarfed down all the algae eaters that lived with me. Still… nothing! Not one smidge of delight.

I tried my best to find that place called Heaven so I could see my granny again. I climbed up the filter hose, flipped down to the floor, and landed on my back. It took me three hours to roll over, and another three to make it to the front door. If only I had the speed of a rabbit. I still find it offensive that someone wrote a book about my kind and our slowness.

When I did get to the street, the garbage truck nearly took me out, lucky for me, Larry the Trash man, took me to the closest body of water. There was a sign posted, “Grandaddy Joe’s pond – no trespassing!” Larry wasn’t Joe, but he took a chance at being on another man’s property just to save my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever make it out of here. If I don’t, I’ve made a place for myself under this little tree.

I’m content with my memories.