I try so hard to minimize the problems, the wrong people do. I watch from a distance and pretend these things aren’t happening, to keep myself safe. My safety is priority one because if I’m not safe then no one is. I’m not sure how many people understand that.
I don’t need what they have, I just want it. What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander. Isn’t that what they say? All men are created equally. Yeah, sure, but what about women? Oh, no, wait…. A woman shall only be as good as the men around her. What if she doesn’t recognize the men around her? Are they actually there?
Ready, set, go. “Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think.” Saying this out loud is how I go to sleep at night. “Shhhhh.” I quiet my need to rest. I need to think about it. Maybe it did happen, the facts line up. I woke up at seven o’clock, drove to work, went to lunch at two o’clock. I passed the car on the street. I’m sure that was the car. I made a u-turn, and followed it. He turned into the state park, I trailed behind. We drove all the way to the lake. We parked, I got out of my vehicle. Maybe I killed him, maybe I killed her. All I really wanted was to be his.
Wait… his side of the bed is empty. Are these my sheets? Is this my room? I’m not in any of these pictures, not even the wedding photo. That’s not me.
My reflection in the mirror, it looks kind of like the woman in the white gown with the bouquet.
My mind, I’m lost in it. He’s not here to tell me if the worms are back inside my brain. Maybe there’s a way for me to look.
Leesa Writes 